Today I realized that it has been nearly seven months since the last post. Much has been going on in our household. We lost our best friend to cancer after a long battle. Though we miss him, we know he is in heaven and is no longer in any pain. His wife, my BFF, is a very courageous woman who draws her strength from God. She told me in the last several months, "I don't know how anyone gets through the trials of life without God". Well said. The pain may run deep and the days after his death were so very sad, yet God is still our fortress. He is the one we run to when times are tough. He is our source of strength. My friend has certainly demonstrated that as well as her husband, who still had joy and a sense of humor through and to the very end of his life.
We also moved to the "quasi country", which was somewhat brutal - the moving part - as we get older changes like this can take their toll. My health has been a challenge as I deal with a sometimes debilitating syndrome - Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue. Not everyone understands the drain of energy that takes place when I have pushed myself too hard. And, it is somewhat depressing that I can't do everything I want to do because on certain days it is all I can do to get to the sofa for a time of rest. To those who don't understand this illness, I look healthy and fine on the outside, yet when I have to cancel an engagement, they may see me as "flaky" and "undependable". I dislike that greatly!! Yet, this syndrome is not unto death and for that I am grateful.
With this move also came relationships that were and are challenged. Where there had been distance, now there was a closeness, an in your face, in those relationships. Roots of bitterness were exposed from both sides of the relationship. Like an exposed nerve from a tooth, raw and painful experiences of our lives culminated in a love/hate relationship. BUT, God never sends us something too big to handle when we give it to him. I see this as an opportunity to draw nearer to God. Unfortunately, this has taken me three months to get to this point. I can do nothing by my own means to heal woundedness in another or myself without God taking care of the many things required to right this relationship....if it is ever to be righted. Honesty has me proclaim that I am also to blame for things I have done in the past. Having asked that person for forgiveness, I am not sure it was given. But, then I am looking to the approval of man/woman when I should seek God's approval above all. For "seeking the approval of man is a snare". Lord, help me to remember this every day of my life.
While I was ignoring this blog, I was also ignoring my "private prayer time and reading God's Word". A big mistake on my part. This left me adrift at sea, like a life boat without oars, being tossed about on a rough ocean. I knew better, but the pull of life and the change we were going through trumped that ever important quiet time with God. The enemy of our soul relishes this type of compromise. And, the enemy played me like a fiddle....tossing me about like a rag doll...playing with my mind and attempting to undo all the "good" that came from reading God's Word daily. A depression was beginning to blanket my every day. The soil of my spirit man, which was once fertile and rich with His Word, was becoming a rocky, barren patch of ground with thorny bushes choking out the Good Seed....God's Word and His Promises.
So this morning I leave this message to myself and to you:
"Putting the Word to Work: Most of us struggle with loss and brokenness in our lives. Has your enemy the devil robbed you of joy? Has he turned your peace into doubt or insecurity? Do you know that God wants to bring healing and restoration to you? Ask God to come into those broken places in your life, and trust Him in his perfect ways and timing to bring wholeness again." (The Everyday Life Bible Amplified Version w/Notes and Commentary by Joyce Meyer pg. 1402)
Lord, I yearn for this to be true in my life and for anyone else who is going through a trying time. Father, uncover any places within me that I am unaware of or have just forgotten....bring them to mind so that I may seek forgiveness. Help me to pray for my enemies...to turn the other cheek...to know that their own lives may be a living hell. Help me to release them and pray for restoration and to pray that they turn their face to you and seek a closer walk with You. Also, Lord, help me to extend the same mercy and compassion to them as You extend to me. Help me to believe that Your Mercy is there for me as well. Though my faith may seem small as a mustard seed, I know from your Word that that is all it takes for Faith to work in me and those I love. All this I pray in Jesus Name.
Creatively Yours,
